come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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