is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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