you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We talked him into tasing himself.
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We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
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I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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