I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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