hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
