dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
