Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
