A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize