You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
