I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
