So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
