You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
