I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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