SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
