THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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