I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Bring me that man meat
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
