at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
