Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
