i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
