It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
