someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
