I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
