Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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