Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
