Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
