Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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