Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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