She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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