I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
