He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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