i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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