I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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