DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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