he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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