I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
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he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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