i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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