I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
