Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
