You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
