But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Floor bacon is actually really good
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
