remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
