I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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