Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
