Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
