Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
