His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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