just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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