i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
