so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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