i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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