Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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