RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize