garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My ass is underappreciated
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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