Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
