I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
