Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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