I have demons in me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
