I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
