i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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