I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
