Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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