Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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