dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
