I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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