I'm really into asian looking animals
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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