I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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